We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
Randomize
