She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
