never play flip cup with pint glasses
I feel great
I just peed on a car
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
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