Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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