My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize
