That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
