the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
