a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
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