my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
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