so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Randomize
