you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Randomize
