I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
Randomize
