I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Randomize
