I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
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