I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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