dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
false alarm. still invincible.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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