she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
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