my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
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