It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
Randomize
