im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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