2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
