watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
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