If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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