I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Randomize
