she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
Use "feeling words"
Yay
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
Randomize
