Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
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