you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
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