did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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