I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Randomize