Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
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