glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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