omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Randomize
