I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
The dick lei will go down in squad history
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Randomize
