I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
