My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
I molested 6 butterflies tonight
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
