i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
