I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
