Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
When did angry sex become our thing?
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
