Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
