Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Randomize
