Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
