She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
