I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
