i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Randomize