If i come over, it means nothing
I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
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