you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Randomize
