This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
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