i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Randomize
