..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
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