i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Randomize
