I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
