I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
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