Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
