I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
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