i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
