I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Randomize
