two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
