I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
the night ended with taco bell and tears
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
