were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Randomize
