apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
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