So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
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