I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Randomize
