I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Randomize
