I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Randomize