Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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