I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
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